That Weird Girl

So lets take a typical day, and throw in some of me. So a 19 year old with a shirt that is probably back to front and mismatching socks who always looks down when she walks.

I don't know why I look down. Maybe its so I can see things i might trip over or maybe its because then I don't have to look at people I don't know.

The point is, no matter what i do or where i go. I'm outside of the box, i'm a little bit crazy and creative. Which is actually fine because i can meet lots of other creatively minded people and we get each other.

I won the 18-25 Acting category in our local talent show last year with my Monologue about life as an Apple. Only someone whose a creative mind would look at a bowl of fruit and decide thats what they want to write about.

I also recently wrote the first scene of Deadpool: The Musical. Because that movie was amazing, and if Deadpool can kill a car load of people with twelve bullets then surely he deserves his own Musical.

Thats a side project at the moment. I'm also working with my sister on a short skit for the talent comp this year which i wrote about what kind of hilarity could happen if your brain had a mind of its own. As well as planning to enter my new original Monologue about Boxes. Cardboard ones.

I don't care so much about winning, I just want to walk off the stage and feel like I delivered a good performance. Even if its not something the judges see every day.

Mistakes

Ahh i wrote on a form for a talent competition i'm entering and immediantly regretted it because my writing is so bad.

Seriously you'd think after 19 years i'd stop being such a perfectionist and accept the wibbly wobbly handwriting i have but no.

I still hate it, it still makes me mad. I've had this for my entire life and i still hate it. Like if i ever go and do the Arrowsmith program thats the one thing i want it to fix.

It says something about my vanity that if i go to a program that could literally change my life. I just want to come out with neat writing.

Its a sore spot for me though, its something that drags my self esteem down to the pits of hell. I look at my hand writing and wish i could rip up the form.

But i didn't. I took a deep breath and i gave it to my.sister who hopefully gave it in. Cause i want to knock out the drama catergory this year.

Anyway enough complaing i have my own font. Yeh.

Dark place

You know. You guys are like the only people i can be 100% honest with. I don't feel like i have to hold back or hide anything from you guys.

I'm not, I can't really feel anything today. Yesterday i had a minor breakdown in the middle of the night alone in my room and i feel like something snapped. Now i can't geel anything....

For a moment last night, i understood why people commit suicide. Because if you had to live with that deep emotional pain all the time... you just wouldn't.

Guess i have to build myself back up again now. I didn't even want to get up this morning feel like any progress i might have made got steamrolled.

The worst part is that even though my friends say like you can talk to me anytime. I feel like an ass if i message them at midnight looking for a distraction.

Like i don't want to push my problems on them. I love Youtube like i'd love to vlog one day and its some days its all i have to keep going for.

I'm supposed to be like getting a job soon and stuff and even though i'd lie amd say that it would make things better i don't know if it would. I don't know that.

I just can't see things getting better. I wish that i could but ot just feels hopeless. Like theres no point in trying.

I'm back!

Hey guys. I am back from my three week trip over east. I didn't end up blogging while I was over there because my Pa wasn't very well and I was just trying to cope with it all.

He's going to be ok though and he looks so much better then he did a week ago. I also got to go to the DC lego exhibition is Sydney and that was so cool. Seriously it was absolutely Nerdarific. There were so many awesome things including a real life sized replica of the Batmobile that used almost 500,000 blocks of lego!

I also went to the Lindt cafe where the Sydney siege took place to pay my respects as I hadn't had the chance to go before. It was such an ordinary looking place, it was strange to think of what had happened there.

I got to go to Canberra where I used to live when I was very young. I didn't have much memory from living there but I got to see my old primary school which looks basically the same and meet up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in ten years.

Even though being with Pa at the hospital was pretty confronting I was glad to go and support Grandma and I actually did enjoy my time over there. AND I didn't get sick! Which is great because I usually catch something when I travel!

Fun fact: more people die because of vending machine then in airplane crashes each year.

Have a good one.

Trip to Sydney

Three days until i fly out to Sydney. My Grandpa is having surgery and will be in hospital for a few months. I don't like hosptials but someone has to be there for Grandma.

My Pa is the best. I think after "mum" and "dad" my next word would have been "Pa". Hes super smart and he knows heaps of stuff about birds.

He loves cake and he always used to read How the camel got his hump to us kids because hes the only person who can do the camel voice properly.

I really hope the surgery goes well.... I can't imagine how he scared he must be. I know i would be.

I hope that even if Pa is so high on painkillers that he doesn't remember much that he'll know that we were all taking care of Grandma so he doesn't need to worry.

I'll probably Blog while i'm over there just to let you guys know how things are going.

Until next time.