I'm back home... some thoughts

I'm back from my holiday, personally my idea of a holiday is hanging out in a hotel and ordering room service. But i'll take what i can get.

I was looking at jobs online today, i'm trying to find a job that pays money but that i like as well. That is not going to happen any time soon.

I don't even know what i want to do, they say you have to choose something that plays to your strengths and what makes you happy. I don't have any strengths that are any good in a job.

I can write short stories, woopty doo, thats like the only thing i'm good at. That and performing on stage and that doesn't do anything. Those are strengths that don't matter.

Why couldn't i be good at something else? Like maths or sport. You can make good money out of being good at those. I reckon i could do vlogging and use my performing skills for that. I'm not at a point where i feel stable enough to do that yet though.

I just don't know what i'm doing, i don't. All i know is what i don't want.

That doesn't look any good on a resume.

Blissful ignorance

I've spent the last two and a bit weeks at my dads. Its always interesting when i'm over here.

My dad is the kind of person who easily dodges difficult topics and i don't think i've ever heard the 'D word' mentioned in his house.

The D word being Divorce, and he always seems as though hes forgotten all about that time when he left my mum and came over here.

Its frustrating because mum has no trouble initating a conversation about that time in our lives. But if you ever mention it to dad he changes the subject immediantly.

I try to remember when i'm over here that hes not a saint. He makes mistakes and he plays mind games. Its hard to believe sometimes that this is the same person who has caused me so much stress.

I think i'm just going to enjoy my time with him and not worry to much about the past. Its not like talking about it will change anything.

I hope your all having a good holiday.

Vlogs for days

You know the older you get, the harder it is to get on stage and just perform for the sake of it. If your an adult you can't just do it.

You have to be professional, you have to want to be an actor. You can't just do it because you enjoy it.

That really sucks.

I've been planning that I'm going to get a paying job and save up for a video camera. I want to eventually start a Vlog because if I can't be my stupid self on stage. I'm going to do it in front of a camera.

I write skits as it is, i might as well put them to good use. It will probably start off as a hobby. Which is cool cause my actual life is pretty ordinary so i doubt theres that many people who want to hang out and watch me do skits.

I need a creative outlet though i just feel so unproductive without one. So even if the only person who subscribes to the Youtube channel i will one day have is my sister. I don't care.

I might even throw in a few lets plays now and then cause i do enjoy games. Even if i am not actually very good at them.

Anyway i'm going on a 3 week holiday over east so do not expect much other then maybe short rants about how the sun is killing me.