Ok I'm not even going to try and make up an excuse for not blogging for over a month.. To be honest i just haven't felt like it.
I tried to.. have a particular conversation that I'd been wanting to have for a long time with my mum but i got a bit emotional and it didn't go how I wanted it to. At all. I don't think i explained myself very well and i didn't get the reaction i was hoping for.
So now I have to be patient and give her time to either come to terms with it and i don't know if she ever will. Kind of sucks but i knew this could happen and i'm willing it wait. I mean I've been waiting since i was like fifteen to have that conversation so i guess i can wait a while longer.
It hasn't bee easy though i wrote a poem with a LOT of swear words in it the other day.. guess i won't be entering that in any writing competitions but i was just really frustrated and it was better to write it down then for it to come out of my mouth.
My mum has enough stress and even though i'd like to follow up the conversation and air it out a bit i don't want to make her more stressed. Especially since the vibe i took from the conversation was ' I'm not ready to have this conversation and i don't want to think about this right now'.
But i'm ready, i've been ready for so long. All the research i've done told me that i should feel good after having that conversation, like a weight has lifted off me. Unfortunately my weight just seemed to get heavier after that. Cause now mum knows but she has stuck her head in the sand and i'm no closer to feeling free.
I don't want things to be how they were a few months ago i don't want to go to that dark place again. TAFE is starting, it's going to be stressful, to give myself the best chance of succeeding i have to be as not anxious, not stressed, not depressed as possible at the start.
But i'm closer to the edge of that hole, i can feel it. The heavier that weight gets the closer it pushes me to that point where i'll do anything for some relief. This isn't something i can rush, to get the best response out of people i have to go slow, but i just want to yell it out for everyone to hear to hell with how they'll react.
Patience is a virtue, and i don't have a lot of it,
I tried to.. have a particular conversation that I'd been wanting to have for a long time with my mum but i got a bit emotional and it didn't go how I wanted it to. At all. I don't think i explained myself very well and i didn't get the reaction i was hoping for.
So now I have to be patient and give her time to either come to terms with it and i don't know if she ever will. Kind of sucks but i knew this could happen and i'm willing it wait. I mean I've been waiting since i was like fifteen to have that conversation so i guess i can wait a while longer.
It hasn't bee easy though i wrote a poem with a LOT of swear words in it the other day.. guess i won't be entering that in any writing competitions but i was just really frustrated and it was better to write it down then for it to come out of my mouth.
My mum has enough stress and even though i'd like to follow up the conversation and air it out a bit i don't want to make her more stressed. Especially since the vibe i took from the conversation was ' I'm not ready to have this conversation and i don't want to think about this right now'.
But i'm ready, i've been ready for so long. All the research i've done told me that i should feel good after having that conversation, like a weight has lifted off me. Unfortunately my weight just seemed to get heavier after that. Cause now mum knows but she has stuck her head in the sand and i'm no closer to feeling free.
I don't want things to be how they were a few months ago i don't want to go to that dark place again. TAFE is starting, it's going to be stressful, to give myself the best chance of succeeding i have to be as not anxious, not stressed, not depressed as possible at the start.
But i'm closer to the edge of that hole, i can feel it. The heavier that weight gets the closer it pushes me to that point where i'll do anything for some relief. This isn't something i can rush, to get the best response out of people i have to go slow, but i just want to yell it out for everyone to hear to hell with how they'll react.
Patience is a virtue, and i don't have a lot of it,
