What I can do

What I can do, the abilities that for whatever reason I have, unlike others like Drawing which unfortunately I was not given the ability to do. Except stick figures. I'm awesome at those.

I'm not as stupid as I sound sometimes. You guys who do stop by the Blog every now and then are probably like "Why are you doing this? Why are you Blogging to nobody?" its because I'm doing what I can.

At one point or another everyone sits down and looks at their life and thinks "Ok, here's what I have to work with. How do I turn this into a good life?" Well thats what I did, and thats how I ended up Blogging a bunch of ghosts and a few little dust bunnies in the corner over there.

I used to write Fanfiction, not because I thought I was good at writing, just because I was a mega fan and wanted to contribute to this fandom in some way. Of course my first one was utter crap, but I learnt the tricks of the trade, and then something happened that I wasn't expecting.

Someone reviewed and told me that they liked my story. That they didn't %100 hate it. So i kept going. Three stories over 42 chapters later. I discovered Blogging, I was Fourteen. I was lonely, I didn't have many friends, I was being bullied and school wasn't going so well.

So I started writing in my first blog, and that blog is still up, and it still gets views. Now and then. After High school I felt like who I was had changed so much since I started that i needed a clean slate.

So this little baby of mine, A small view of the World was born. I don't care so much about who I'm talking to, or even if I'm talking to anyone.

I can write, its the one thing a part from acting that brings me any joy. I'm doing it because it makes me happy and because one day maybe it will make other people happy.

Some people are born to be Doctors, or Youtubers, or Pop Stars. Other people are born to write. To string words together in a way that at least makes a little sense.

When I publish my first novel, it will be the same. I don't care if hardly anyone buys my book. As long as it makes the people who do happy. Thats all there is to it.

I can't watch movies!

Hey guys, so I have a problem.

I can't watch a whole movie. No, i'm not one of those people who always gets a phone call just as the movies about to start ( ahem, mum!) I just can't watch an entire movie or at least very rarely.

Firstly because I have an attention span about 5 seconds long I have to resist the urge to watch five minutes of one movie and then five minutes of another movie. Channel hopping is a serious problem for me.

Secondly if I sit down for any length of time I get tired and either start to fall asleep or want to get up and go to bed. With these two issues together, I can almost never bring myself to sit down and watch a movie.

Deadpool was an exception, because well its Deadpool. But usually I struggle to sit through them. Not that I won't do it if its a good movie.

Also when I go to the cinemas I almost always run out of coke before the movie starts but because I was very stingy about my popcorn consumption, I have plenty of that left. So I end up with no drink and lots of popcorn.

Then because I drank all the coke before the movie when the most amazing most explosive scene comes up I am busting for the loo and have to run through the best scene to go to the bathroom. By the time I get back of course, that scene is over. I'm looking at you Ant-Man.

So maybe I shouldn't touch my drink until the movie has started, and you'd think I'd have perfected the art of holding in pee until the end of the movie. But no, I make this mistake every single time I go to the cinemas.

And so it was written in the bible of LittleAsh. Thou shalt not run to the toilet in the middle of the movies best scene. Ever.

That Weird Girl

So lets take a typical day, and throw in some of me. So a 19 year old with a shirt that is probably back to front and mismatching socks who always looks down when she walks.

I don't know why I look down. Maybe its so I can see things i might trip over or maybe its because then I don't have to look at people I don't know.

The point is, no matter what i do or where i go. I'm outside of the box, i'm a little bit crazy and creative. Which is actually fine because i can meet lots of other creatively minded people and we get each other.

I won the 18-25 Acting category in our local talent show last year with my Monologue about life as an Apple. Only someone whose a creative mind would look at a bowl of fruit and decide thats what they want to write about.

I also recently wrote the first scene of Deadpool: The Musical. Because that movie was amazing, and if Deadpool can kill a car load of people with twelve bullets then surely he deserves his own Musical.

Thats a side project at the moment. I'm also working with my sister on a short skit for the talent comp this year which i wrote about what kind of hilarity could happen if your brain had a mind of its own. As well as planning to enter my new original Monologue about Boxes. Cardboard ones.

I don't care so much about winning, I just want to walk off the stage and feel like I delivered a good performance. Even if its not something the judges see every day.

Mistakes

Ahh i wrote on a form for a talent competition i'm entering and immediantly regretted it because my writing is so bad.

Seriously you'd think after 19 years i'd stop being such a perfectionist and accept the wibbly wobbly handwriting i have but no.

I still hate it, it still makes me mad. I've had this for my entire life and i still hate it. Like if i ever go and do the Arrowsmith program thats the one thing i want it to fix.

It says something about my vanity that if i go to a program that could literally change my life. I just want to come out with neat writing.

Its a sore spot for me though, its something that drags my self esteem down to the pits of hell. I look at my hand writing and wish i could rip up the form.

But i didn't. I took a deep breath and i gave it to my.sister who hopefully gave it in. Cause i want to knock out the drama catergory this year.

Anyway enough complaing i have my own font. Yeh.

Dark place

You know. You guys are like the only people i can be 100% honest with. I don't feel like i have to hold back or hide anything from you guys.

I'm not, I can't really feel anything today. Yesterday i had a minor breakdown in the middle of the night alone in my room and i feel like something snapped. Now i can't geel anything....

For a moment last night, i understood why people commit suicide. Because if you had to live with that deep emotional pain all the time... you just wouldn't.

Guess i have to build myself back up again now. I didn't even want to get up this morning feel like any progress i might have made got steamrolled.

The worst part is that even though my friends say like you can talk to me anytime. I feel like an ass if i message them at midnight looking for a distraction.

Like i don't want to push my problems on them. I love Youtube like i'd love to vlog one day and its some days its all i have to keep going for.

I'm supposed to be like getting a job soon and stuff and even though i'd lie amd say that it would make things better i don't know if it would. I don't know that.

I just can't see things getting better. I wish that i could but ot just feels hopeless. Like theres no point in trying.

I'm back!

Hey guys. I am back from my three week trip over east. I didn't end up blogging while I was over there because my Pa wasn't very well and I was just trying to cope with it all.

He's going to be ok though and he looks so much better then he did a week ago. I also got to go to the DC lego exhibition is Sydney and that was so cool. Seriously it was absolutely Nerdarific. There were so many awesome things including a real life sized replica of the Batmobile that used almost 500,000 blocks of lego!

I also went to the Lindt cafe where the Sydney siege took place to pay my respects as I hadn't had the chance to go before. It was such an ordinary looking place, it was strange to think of what had happened there.

I got to go to Canberra where I used to live when I was very young. I didn't have much memory from living there but I got to see my old primary school which looks basically the same and meet up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in ten years.

Even though being with Pa at the hospital was pretty confronting I was glad to go and support Grandma and I actually did enjoy my time over there. AND I didn't get sick! Which is great because I usually catch something when I travel!

Fun fact: more people die because of vending machine then in airplane crashes each year.

Have a good one.

Trip to Sydney

Three days until i fly out to Sydney. My Grandpa is having surgery and will be in hospital for a few months. I don't like hosptials but someone has to be there for Grandma.

My Pa is the best. I think after "mum" and "dad" my next word would have been "Pa". Hes super smart and he knows heaps of stuff about birds.

He loves cake and he always used to read How the camel got his hump to us kids because hes the only person who can do the camel voice properly.

I really hope the surgery goes well.... I can't imagine how he scared he must be. I know i would be.

I hope that even if Pa is so high on painkillers that he doesn't remember much that he'll know that we were all taking care of Grandma so he doesn't need to worry.

I'll probably Blog while i'm over there just to let you guys know how things are going.

Until next time.