You know. You guys are like the only people i can be 100% honest with. I don't feel like i have to hold back or hide anything from you guys.
I'm not, I can't really feel anything today. Yesterday i had a minor breakdown in the middle of the night alone in my room and i feel like something snapped. Now i can't geel anything....
For a moment last night, i understood why people commit suicide. Because if you had to live with that deep emotional pain all the time... you just wouldn't.
Guess i have to build myself back up again now. I didn't even want to get up this morning feel like any progress i might have made got steamrolled.
The worst part is that even though my friends say like you can talk to me anytime. I feel like an ass if i message them at midnight looking for a distraction.
Like i don't want to push my problems on them. I love Youtube like i'd love to vlog one day and its some days its all i have to keep going for.
I'm supposed to be like getting a job soon and stuff and even though i'd lie amd say that it would make things better i don't know if it would. I don't know that.
I just can't see things getting better. I wish that i could but ot just feels hopeless. Like theres no point in trying.
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