Believe

I don't believe in giving up.

Yet I have felt what is like to not give up for so long that you eventually cave in.

Its like sliding backwards down a jagged mountain that took you months to climb.

I have tumbled down that mountain bruised and bloody again and again. Then I have stood up and started to climb again.

Sometimes i have thought that i would make it to the top but then i get there and the mountain has grown even taller. I'm far too slow.

I needed it to be pointed out to me before i understood that if i caved in it was not through lack of trying. That I tried harder than most people could stand.

That it was ok if I couldn't get there was never something i considered until it was shown to me that it was alright.

I have always held myself to incredibly high standards, but I have never been able to meet them. I have always looked at somthing i have done and picked out every single fault.

I have strived for perfection only to have what i held as perfect work thrown back in my face. It did not matter to the person who threw it that it took as much effort as climbing a mountain.

They saw only more faults, and so it is no surprise that all i can see is what they saw.

I

 do not believe in failure, but that is all i am capable of seeing in myself.