Social outcast

I went to my first 18th that wasn't mine a few weeks ago and it got me reminiscing about High School a bit.

I had 'friends' but i wasn't exactly in with the group. I was and am a nerd and almost always had my nose in a book.

They let me sit with them but i was at the bottom of the social pecking order. I never got invited to parties, i never got invited to sleepovers, or anything else social.

I missed out on a lot of moments that would have helped my friends and i to bond better if they had invited me.

I was in Drama with alot of them and they were more than willing to talk to me there where i was most animated. The theatre was my safe place and i was much more of an extrovert while performing in shows or rehearsing.

Outside of Drama though i was quiet because i was to busy trying to do whatever it took for my friends to like me more.

This included letting them treat me like a doormat, sitting on the floor because i let them have the seats at the table or having to run there if i did want a seat.

I was so desperate to please them because if i didn't have them i literally had no one else. It didn't end up working anyway because after four years i was still trying and failing to up my social status and get invited to something. Anything.

I had one best friend but she moved to boarding school part way through year ten. So i had to hang out with her in the holidays.

I was basically that kid that does group projects by themselves because no one will go with them. During the times when my friends wouldn't let me sit with them i sat by myself usually in the library.

It taught me alot though, like most girls will do anything for a boost to their social lives even if it means being a B i t c h to someone who doesn't deserve it.

I didn't know it until High School was almost over, but I had Aspergers Syndrome which really hindered my social skills and made it hard for me to tell if someone was really my friend or just taking advantage of me.

I didn't have a sweet sixteen even though i really wanted to because no one would come. I got a kitten instead and a year later when he died after being hit by a car no one asked why i wasn't at school or if i was ok.

High School sucked, i think i ended it with less friends then i started it with. And all i learnt was how to be my own friend since no one else would be.

I do have one friend from High School, hes always been there even though i only went to school with him for a year.

Hes a great guy with a big heart and i couldn't thank him enough for being my friend.