I'm tired. I'm so so tired, but not from lack of sleep. Ok, maybe if i went to bed at Nine instead of Ten I wouldn't fall asleep reading.
I just... I'm not physically tired even though it feels like it a lot. Its all upstairs in my mind. I'm tired deep inside my brain.
Its takes so much effort to do things these days. Its hard to find the enthusiasm or motivation for doing activities or seeing people. I try to distract myself, stay busy and all that but its not exactly a miracle cure.
For my entire schooling life. I could not tire mentally, I had to keep going at full throttle just to keep up. Only when I didn't have to anymore did I realize what I had done. I used everything, so now I don't have anything left.
I'm supposed to be filling up my time with... stuff. I don't want to though its so hard just to do what I already do. A lot of the time i know I'm supposed to want to go to these things. I know I used to enjoy them.
I hate winter, its cold and wet and everything is darker. Harder.
This is what happened last year, granted I had a reason to fall down then after my cat died. This year it seems to have come for no reason at all. I wonder if winter has anything to do with it or if I'm just unlucky.
Probably unlucky. Knowing me.
I just... I'm not physically tired even though it feels like it a lot. Its all upstairs in my mind. I'm tired deep inside my brain.
Its takes so much effort to do things these days. Its hard to find the enthusiasm or motivation for doing activities or seeing people. I try to distract myself, stay busy and all that but its not exactly a miracle cure.
For my entire schooling life. I could not tire mentally, I had to keep going at full throttle just to keep up. Only when I didn't have to anymore did I realize what I had done. I used everything, so now I don't have anything left.
I'm supposed to be filling up my time with... stuff. I don't want to though its so hard just to do what I already do. A lot of the time i know I'm supposed to want to go to these things. I know I used to enjoy them.
I hate winter, its cold and wet and everything is darker. Harder.
This is what happened last year, granted I had a reason to fall down then after my cat died. This year it seems to have come for no reason at all. I wonder if winter has anything to do with it or if I'm just unlucky.
Probably unlucky. Knowing me.
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