Bob the magical broken laptop

Ok, so, i think i broke my Mac. Like not broken as in totally destroyed but broken as in it no longer functions the way it should and here is the story of why.

So i have a white Mac that i got in my last year of high school. I didn't like it at first because i had to go through the transistion from Windows to Apple and it was pretty confusing.

Eventually though i figured out how to do everything on it and i decided to name my Mac Bob. Just because i could and Bob is an awsome name.

So Bob wasn't all that reliable and the school had to fix him alot but somehow we both made it to graduation where i paid the school 100$ in order to keep Bob.

Bob probably wasn't new when he was given to me but he held up pretty well for awhile. Except his keys kept falling off but i could live with that.

Then one day i picked up Bob and his bottom fell off. Thats when i realized that all the screws except for one were gone from his bottom and i was like well thata just great

So then i tried to be very gentle with Bob because all his chips were exposed without the bottom closed and it was very delicate.

But then i think I stepped on him by accident one day because he usualy lives on my bedroom floor and i broke the wifi chip.

And then Bob started to give up on life and become completely unusable. So now i have to save up to get him repaired by the apple store. I also need to get him a good antivirus.

I love Bob, he has great sound for an older  Mac and he has all my future prize winning novels stored in him so i'm really desperate to fix him. I really don't want to lose all my work and the games i have on Bob.

So if all my readers could take a minute to pray to the laptop gods that Bob pulls through and that the money for his surgery falls out of the sky ans into my lap that would be awsome.

Two posts in one day

I guess i'm in the blogging mood today, two posts in one day must be some kind of record for me.

I don't really know whats going on in my head at the moment, but things aren't 100% up there. My "dementor" is starting to make itself more present.

Its a good representation actually something big and dark that sucks all the happiness out of my head. I can be anywhere doing anything but i don't feel like i'm there. I feel disconnected from everything.

I should be feeling something, i'm laughing and talking, but there's no real emotion there except maybe frustration. I felt like this last year when i was having a hard time with things.

I thought i was over all that, but i guess i couldn't keep the light.

I know my family thinks that Markiplier is just a gamer, that i only watch him for the gaming. That might be how it started out but its more then that now.

When i watch his videos i feel, when i laugh its real not pretend. His video blogs inspire me, when he talks in some of his earlier videos about depression i feel like something clicks. Its almost as if he's talking to me.

He gives me hope, he makes me truly happy for a little while, and i can't thank him enough for it. Truly, without Markiplier i don't know how i would manage. I mean i'm sure i would but it would be much harder.

Confused

You guys know i'm not a consistent blogger and i apoligize for that. No wonder i don't have alot of views with only updating every two months.

Life is very confusing to me at the moment, i feel like i don't have a purpose. I don't know what i want except that i want to do something that makes me happy.

Thats what i want, i just want to find my place and be happy. I love seeing people who have found what they are meant to be doing in life like my favourite youtuber Markiplier.

I don't just love him because hes funny and his gameplay videos are great. I love him because hes obviously found his purpose in life and you can see on his face that he really is happy.

I don't know what i want but i know the things that i love. I love acting and performing, i love reading and playing computer games. I love talking and having meaningful conversations with people. I love writing stories and making people happy

Somehow i have to find something that makes me feel as happy as standing on stage performing does. I want to help people, i'm very compassionate, when Markiplier or anyone else i have a connection with is sad i ache for them. My heart feels their pain and i want to make it better.

I'm not exactly skilled in anything and my aspergers complicates things, i know holding a job will be really hard for me. Let alone one that incorporates all of my passions.

I don't know what i'm going to be, or how i'm going to help anyone but if Mark can do it surely i can too.

Maybe i'll finish that prize winning novel or maybe i won't but at least it gives me something concrete that i can work on.

Father's day

I hate Father's day.

There, I admired it. It's meant to be a day of celebrating your daddy, the man you looked up to from when you were a little girl. You were the princess and he was your king. It's not like that anymore though, he's not my king, and he never will be.

My father is not nice, he looks nice, he sounds nice, and he has a loving family. I'm not a part of that though and sometimes i am very glad about that.

When I was little I thought he was amazing, strong enough to give airplanes and piggybacks and smart enough to fix the computer when it broke. I was daddy's girl, my first word was "dada" and i felt much closer to him then to my mum.

Then he left and moved in with my grandad for awhile because he and mum were having some apart time, and then on Father's day he moved to the other side of the country to be with his new family. The one that I thought must be better then ours because otherwise he would have stayed.

I saw something on Facebook the other day and it really rang true for me, it was " Here's to the dads who bruised their daughter's hearts before any boy could" and all I can say to that is, good on ya dad. I hope your proud.

Cats smell yummy

I have a new Ragdoll kitten his name is Harley Davidson and he smells like warm dust. It is something I have noticed when he comes up to lick my face in the morning and it smells really good. I wake up see him and think ' don't you love that new kitten smell?'

It's so cute! Harley is the cutest kitten ever!!!!! bleherehruehruhurehuerh

queen of the wobbles

My kitten is not ver well at the moment, she's got the wobbles, her brains been damaged from a blood clot so she can't control her back legs very well and she pees everywhere! My poor little girl unfortunately the only thing we can do is make her comfterable for the time she has left.

She is only 10 months old, too little for this to happen to her and i'm going to miss her so much when we eventually have to put her down. I don't want her to suffer though so i know it's for the best.

Dangerous by Micheal Jackson is my new favorite song at the moment, it's got a dark edge to it that i feel suits my thoughts lately. I've been a self harmer in the past and the 'itch' to do it again with everything thats been happening is pretty intense. Music helps distract me.

I hope everyones doing ok out there or at least better then i am. A new episode of The Flash comes out on Wednesday so expect a post about how awesome it is on Thursday.

Hopeful

This is going to sound stupid, but i am proud that i got hit on today by some random guy at TAFE. It's probably not something most people would consider a good thing but it's not something that happens to me very often.

For once I don't feel dumb, I know that i've still got a truckload of assignments i have to do that i haven't done yet. I know that my future is murky at best and that the next few years will be the hardest of my life but I have been uplifted by watching The Flash and the way Barry Allen throws everything he has at the obstacles he faces.

So even if life throws so many obstacles at me that i need super speed like Barry's to keep up with it i'll at least give it a go. Because that's what Barry would do... and he's so awesome why wouldn't you want to be like him?