Gaming blog... a good idea or a fail?

Ok ok ok ok, so i've been thinking very very hard lately about what i want to do. How i want to create my mark on the world, what i like and what i don't like.

I was thinking of doing youtube but as you guys know i've been having trouble with my laptop and i'm not really good in front of the camera anyway it tends to feel kind of awkward for me.

So i thought well i like writing but my novel isn't really going anywhere and i've always liked blogging so maybe i can do something with that.

This is just an idea at this point nothing is set in stone but even though i know i can't at the moment make a career out of games maybe it could still have a part of my life.

Career wise i'm tossing around youth work and a couple of other options but blog wise i may start a blog where i review the few games that i do have on the wii and on my laptop.

I would completely from scratch recreate my image on blogger. Nothing would change as far as this blog goes because i'll probably use one of my other accounts to help me manage things but it would give me something to look forward to and who knows where it will lead.

I'm actually excited about it which is strange for me... i'm going to have to calm down a bit before i get ahead of myself here.

I'm going to sign off with an update on how my fun time with Freddy went. Basically i turned on the game went into a new game was doing ok.

Then Freddy's ITS ME thing was flashing in my face and i panicked because i couldn't find Bonnie anywhere and i quitted like a little sissy. One day i shall face my fear and play straight through to the end of night Five.

Friday fun with Freddy and Friends!

Depending on where you live in this wonderful world of ours it might be thursday, or saturday. But in the lucky country it's FRIDAY!

I am looking forward to the weekend even though i have work tomorrow (which i don't get paid for.... sigh) I'm going to play wii and drink coffee and hang out with my sisters.

I know Wii's are old now but its all i have, i did used to have a Nintendo 64 which i think we sold which was a very bad decision. Seriously i regret it every day.

I have a Nintendo DSI but thats also old which is sad because i really enjoyed playing on it when i was a kid.

I've managed to get Five Nights at Freddy's on to Bob the Broken Mac. I know i'm very behind in the times since the game came out ages ago... but i couldn't pass it up.

I'm not bad at that game actually i just have four problems. Their names are Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, and Freddy. Damn them always giving me heart attacks. They don't even have to move before i start panicking.

Anyway i'm going to go and see if i can figure out how Freddy keeps popping up in my room... I'm so not ready for Freddy!

Bob the magical broken laptop

Ok, so, i think i broke my Mac. Like not broken as in totally destroyed but broken as in it no longer functions the way it should and here is the story of why.

So i have a white Mac that i got in my last year of high school. I didn't like it at first because i had to go through the transistion from Windows to Apple and it was pretty confusing.

Eventually though i figured out how to do everything on it and i decided to name my Mac Bob. Just because i could and Bob is an awsome name.

So Bob wasn't all that reliable and the school had to fix him alot but somehow we both made it to graduation where i paid the school 100$ in order to keep Bob.

Bob probably wasn't new when he was given to me but he held up pretty well for awhile. Except his keys kept falling off but i could live with that.

Then one day i picked up Bob and his bottom fell off. Thats when i realized that all the screws except for one were gone from his bottom and i was like well thata just great

So then i tried to be very gentle with Bob because all his chips were exposed without the bottom closed and it was very delicate.

But then i think I stepped on him by accident one day because he usualy lives on my bedroom floor and i broke the wifi chip.

And then Bob started to give up on life and become completely unusable. So now i have to save up to get him repaired by the apple store. I also need to get him a good antivirus.

I love Bob, he has great sound for an older  Mac and he has all my future prize winning novels stored in him so i'm really desperate to fix him. I really don't want to lose all my work and the games i have on Bob.

So if all my readers could take a minute to pray to the laptop gods that Bob pulls through and that the money for his surgery falls out of the sky ans into my lap that would be awsome.

Two posts in one day

I guess i'm in the blogging mood today, two posts in one day must be some kind of record for me.

I don't really know whats going on in my head at the moment, but things aren't 100% up there. My "dementor" is starting to make itself more present.

Its a good representation actually something big and dark that sucks all the happiness out of my head. I can be anywhere doing anything but i don't feel like i'm there. I feel disconnected from everything.

I should be feeling something, i'm laughing and talking, but there's no real emotion there except maybe frustration. I felt like this last year when i was having a hard time with things.

I thought i was over all that, but i guess i couldn't keep the light.

I know my family thinks that Markiplier is just a gamer, that i only watch him for the gaming. That might be how it started out but its more then that now.

When i watch his videos i feel, when i laugh its real not pretend. His video blogs inspire me, when he talks in some of his earlier videos about depression i feel like something clicks. Its almost as if he's talking to me.

He gives me hope, he makes me truly happy for a little while, and i can't thank him enough for it. Truly, without Markiplier i don't know how i would manage. I mean i'm sure i would but it would be much harder.

Confused

You guys know i'm not a consistent blogger and i apoligize for that. No wonder i don't have alot of views with only updating every two months.

Life is very confusing to me at the moment, i feel like i don't have a purpose. I don't know what i want except that i want to do something that makes me happy.

Thats what i want, i just want to find my place and be happy. I love seeing people who have found what they are meant to be doing in life like my favourite youtuber Markiplier.

I don't just love him because hes funny and his gameplay videos are great. I love him because hes obviously found his purpose in life and you can see on his face that he really is happy.

I don't know what i want but i know the things that i love. I love acting and performing, i love reading and playing computer games. I love talking and having meaningful conversations with people. I love writing stories and making people happy

Somehow i have to find something that makes me feel as happy as standing on stage performing does. I want to help people, i'm very compassionate, when Markiplier or anyone else i have a connection with is sad i ache for them. My heart feels their pain and i want to make it better.

I'm not exactly skilled in anything and my aspergers complicates things, i know holding a job will be really hard for me. Let alone one that incorporates all of my passions.

I don't know what i'm going to be, or how i'm going to help anyone but if Mark can do it surely i can too.

Maybe i'll finish that prize winning novel or maybe i won't but at least it gives me something concrete that i can work on.

Father's day

I hate Father's day.

There, I admired it. It's meant to be a day of celebrating your daddy, the man you looked up to from when you were a little girl. You were the princess and he was your king. It's not like that anymore though, he's not my king, and he never will be.

My father is not nice, he looks nice, he sounds nice, and he has a loving family. I'm not a part of that though and sometimes i am very glad about that.

When I was little I thought he was amazing, strong enough to give airplanes and piggybacks and smart enough to fix the computer when it broke. I was daddy's girl, my first word was "dada" and i felt much closer to him then to my mum.

Then he left and moved in with my grandad for awhile because he and mum were having some apart time, and then on Father's day he moved to the other side of the country to be with his new family. The one that I thought must be better then ours because otherwise he would have stayed.

I saw something on Facebook the other day and it really rang true for me, it was " Here's to the dads who bruised their daughter's hearts before any boy could" and all I can say to that is, good on ya dad. I hope your proud.

Cats smell yummy

I have a new Ragdoll kitten his name is Harley Davidson and he smells like warm dust. It is something I have noticed when he comes up to lick my face in the morning and it smells really good. I wake up see him and think ' don't you love that new kitten smell?'

It's so cute! Harley is the cutest kitten ever!!!!! bleherehruehruhurehuerh